Life Update
The house I moved out of more than a year ago… where my son was born… got foreclosed on, and last Wed was the day EDH had to be out (it got foreclosed on in July). He was a jerk to me (again!) that night, so at 11:30 I sent him packing out into the cold. (I honestly think he forgot that I’m through with his shit and don’t need to put up with it and won’t be putting up with it.) But Thursday we talked and he’s been here since. He sleeps on my twin bed and I sleep on the couch. (Neither of our backs are great, but I really don’t want to hear him laying around bellyaching about it. Please, take the bed!) Friday was tough but we’ve been mostly okay. Last night I was really liking it. Except the good times are always good. It’s when he starts getting stressed that things plummet.
About a month ago he vowed to himself that he was going to be more patient, and take the time to understand, etc. I didn’t know at first, and things were awesome for a week and a half. But then we (he) had a bad day one day, and the next he totally gave up and was every bit of evil as ever. And that lasted for over 2 weeks! Not encouraging. Though he’s realized where he went wrong and that he needs to get back on the bandwagon right away… I’m just having MAJOR(!!!) trust issues. Surprising, eh? ;P
I’m having lots of issues, actually. Because there’s a lot of things I don’t like, especially his priority of being an entrepreneur over providing even a basic living for his family. If I gotta go work and have a job and all the rest of it… I’m sorry, but… what do I need him for??? And I told him that Monday morning. Because he can’t afford to pay me at the office, he’s behind, and now I’m very behind too. :( So I need to go work for the man for a bit. Web work is coming along, and would be coming along splendidly if I didn’t have all the stress (and lack of car also for the last 2+ months), but alas, stress and dealing with constant issues takes up time and mental drive. So even if I do get a ‘real’ job, I’ll still be doing web work. It just will be able to happen more gradually and easily, which sounds like heaven right about now.
So anyway, he’s supposed to be looking for an apartment. But since I cleared out a couple drawers for him on Sunday and cleared away one of the piles in my room for him to have his hamper and bag he’s gotten pretty comfortable. And I’d love to ride it out and test drive how it would be living together, but he’s not supposed to be here, and when my landlord figures it out there will be problems if he’s not out very quickly after that. Planning to have a talk with him again tonight about what his moving-on plans are. I know he’s dragging his feet hoping that I’ll say let’s move together.
I don’t know what I want.
I want a Miracle on 34th Street moment, to see the future, so I can make good decisions today. We started counseling with our pastor last week, went again this week. And I know slip-ups are expected, but when they’re so big and ongoing when he’s got the chance to get a hold of himself and doesn’t… Still a slip-up? Is that possible?
Pray for me, eh? And offer wisdom / advice as you see fit.