Carlos recently asked me “what are you being introverted about?”
I don’t know that I’m being introverted “about” anything. I just am. I’m a pretty private person. At the same time I’m an open book.
I had tweeted Carlos’ link about overcoming learned shyness, and he noticed. Truth be told, I wanted to share the info, but moreso I wanted my Lifestream to pick it up here so I could go back to it later if/when I need to. It was relevant to me because I’ve been pondering my introvertedness recently and secretly hope that I have learned introversion. Am I truly extroverted? Is introversion just my reaction to being rejected?
Because I am supremely rejected.
So I’ve learned to be very insecure. And usually the only condition on my open book is me getting to know what one can handle and how to present any particular thing to them. Maybe I’m normal an extrovert after all.
But I’m also a thinker. More than one person has accused me of thinking too much. And certainly things can be overthought, and probably are when it means action is never taken. And no doubt I move too slowly for most people, but I’m okay with that. I like to be sure about what I’m doing. I don’t know that I’m so much of an over-thinker as a long-thinker. I like to chew for a while and see what comes of it.
Talking is certainly not my thing. Give me a silent night snuggled up with you on the couch with just a few whispers (or laughs if you’re a friend of the female persuasion) and I’m good! But that’s not the sort of thing you can do when meeting someone at a party. So I’m always trying to think of the next thing to say when I sense an awkward silence coming. And inevitably, I always blurt something completely effing asinine. And I want like hell to say what Kelly said, and communicate the way that is most natural for me, but thankfully paralyzing insecurity stops me. Finally it’s good for something!
A friend once said that my brain has entirely too much going on at any given time. He said this because of my inability to tell a story straight-forward and (or) concisely. Ever. And he’s right: It’s impossible for me to organize my thoughts on the fly, let alone evaluate them and present them in a linear (or even logical) form.
Writing, on the other hand, is very good therapy.
I write and I can capture the quick thoughts flittering by. I can pin one down and explore it. I can go as deep into it as I like, figure out what I think of it, and organize those thoughts into something logical. Quite linear.
This is textbook introvert. Also my attention to detail, my preference of deep topics rather than trivial, and my shutting down after too much of people outside my circle of intimacy. That this surface-level understanding is not enough for me probably only further proves my introversion. I’m sure it just comes down to acceptance, but how to do that when self-consciousness is a key part of being an introvert?!
I could definitely use some confidence, and that would relieve me of the negative aspect of self-awareness. I have issues that I need to work through in order to get there. I have to believe it is possible, but I always argue with myself, too: Is it possible to be self-conscious (/self-aware) and also confident and uninhibited?
How does one be an introvert, and not lose their sanity?
honey. with you, like you, completely. Been there. AM there, regularly.
Ahh, music to my ears. Thank you for validating my sanity.
Jeannie, I’m back and I enjoyed this post even more the second time. In fact, I just sent myself a reminder to mink it in on my “shyness is a learned behavior” post.
I too think things over a lot, and that’s good to a degree. My problem is that I hear someone say somethinvg, my wife for instance, and I will think a response. Then I will repeat it in my head several times, always trying to find the perfect way to say it. Thus, it’s difficult for me to get past that one thought and I miss out on the potential of that conversation.
Over the years I have learned from wonderful wife the value of talking and sometimes force myself to say that “unfinished” thought. What I invariably find is that even though I don’t necessarily say it right the first time, it allows me to continue my thought and I often end up learning something valuable by listening to myself talk. I won’t even realize what I’m going to say until it’s been said.
I think sometimes our soul/body knows truths that we won’t let our minds realize and they can come out like this.
It’s of course important to talk like this to someone who delights in listening as much as airing their own opinions.
This is one thought about the worth in overcoming shyness. It was important for me to understand about myself in order to overcome it. For a long time that success has mostly been in talking to my wife, and has not
(Whoops)…has not been consistent, but it’s been a bit of self-truth I can lean on to help me push past shyness and insecurity sometimes.
I’m quite sure this doesn’t answer your question in any real satisfacory way, but hopefully it inspires thought in a good direction.
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Thank you, Carlos. And for Tweeting and linking me. I’ve been suffering bad manners along with a bad attitude in general the past few days as sickness has been wearing on me. I appreciate your thoughts.
“I won’t even realize what I’m going to say until it’s been said.”
This thought terrifies me.
Though I do realize its value which you point out, as I’ve had that experience a few times. Just today, actually. Though that was still about some stuff I had chewed over many times.
It’s funny that for as much as I don’t care what people think about me, and I really don’t, there are ways that I do. Also, I don’t want to do damage. Maybe confidence plays a bigger role in the problem than I had thought. But maybe not just confidence in myself, but in the people on the receiving end of my words as well, to trust that they will not judge me too harshly should something come out half-baked or not quite as intended.
Hmmm.
Jeannie, that’s a hell of a way to think things through and come up with a new thought. I think that’s a great point, that we need to have confidence in others, as well as ourselves to be able to handle a more impromptu conversation without judgment.
Each time we take that risk of saying something we’re not 100% sure about, it puts a little faith out, and faith does have power. You’re trusting that things will be ok – not just ok, but in fact better because of your openness and honesty. All I can really say is that it has paid off far more often than not.
I think we’re all really aching to be able to be open, honest, and vulnerable with people, but we are so scared of what will happen because there is definitely a possibility of getting hurt. It’s probably happened to all of us before, but the relationships we can build and grow if we just reach out can really make those hurts seem trivial by comparison.
How have you been doing with all this? It took me a while to remember to check back because I apparently neglected to check the “notify me” box. I’ve really enjoyed your post and additional thoughts.