X decides he’s going to pray for dinner last night.

“Thank you for the food, and thank you for J, and thank you for sissy (A), and thank you for mom, and…” [he loses track, and I  prod him: ‘bless the food’. He says ‘I said thank you’, and I say ‘okay’. He starts over…] “And that you for mom, and thank you for J, and thank you for sissy, and thank you for J’s bike, and thank you for sissy’s bike, and thank you for my bike, and … mom, do you have a bike?” “No, baby.” “And… and… thank you for my bike … Amen.”

Just ran across this link, it’s too cute!!! Oh, man how I want a dog! (And a cat, but only because they make such awesome playmates for dogs.)

Why Children Should Have Pets

The house I moved out of more than a year ago… where my son was born… got foreclosed on, and last Wed was the day EDH had to be out (it got foreclosed on in July). He was a jerk to me (again!) that night, so at 11:30 I sent him packing out into the cold. (I honestly think he forgot that I’m through with his shit and don’t need to put up with it and won’t be putting up with it.) But Thursday we talked and he’s been here since. He sleeps on my twin bed and I sleep on the couch. (Neither of our backs are great, but I really don’t want to hear him laying around bellyaching about it. Please, take the bed!) Friday was tough but we’ve been mostly okay. Last night I was really liking it. Except the good times are always good. It’s when he starts getting stressed that things plummet.

About a month ago he vowed to himself that he was going to be more patient, and take the time to understand, etc. I didn’t know at first, and things were awesome for a week and a half. But then we (he) had a bad day one day, and the next he totally gave up and was every bit of evil as ever. And that lasted for over 2 weeks! Not encouraging. Though he’s realized where he went wrong and that he needs to get back on the bandwagon right away… I’m just having MAJOR(!!!) trust issues. Surprising, eh? ;P

I’m having lots of issues, actually. Because there’s a lot of things I don’t like, especially his priority of being an entrepreneur over providing even a basic living for his family. If I gotta go work and have a job and all the rest of it… I’m sorry, but… what do I need him for??? And I told him that Monday morning. Because he can’t afford to pay me at the office, he’s behind, and now I’m very behind too. :(  So I need to go work for the man for a bit. Web work is coming along, and would be coming along splendidly if I didn’t have all the stress (and lack of car also for the last 2+ months), but alas, stress and dealing with constant issues takes up time and mental drive. So even if I do get a ‘real’ job, I’ll still be doing web work. It just will be able to happen more gradually and easily, which sounds like heaven right about now.

So anyway, he’s supposed to be looking for an apartment. But since I cleared out a couple drawers for him on Sunday and cleared away one of the piles in my room for him to have his hamper and bag he’s gotten pretty comfortable. And I’d love to ride it out and test drive how it would be living together, but he’s not supposed to be here, and when my landlord figures it out there will be problems if he’s not out very quickly after that. Planning to have a talk with him again tonight about what his moving-on plans are. I know he’s dragging his feet hoping that I’ll say let’s move together.

I don’t know what I want.

I want a Miracle on 34th Street moment, to see the future, so I can make good decisions today. We started counseling with our pastor last week, went again this week. And I know slip-ups are expected, but when they’re so big and ongoing when he’s got the chance to get a hold of himself and doesn’t… Still a slip-up? Is that possible?

Pray for me, eh? And offer wisdom / advice as you see fit.

Started as a “Tweet” to Twitter, but now so much more. According to dates it is now…

2 months… until our 13th dating anniversary.

2 days + 2 weeks… until our 7th wedding anniversary.

2 days… until the 1st anniversary of leaving him, preferring homelessness and joblessness.

2 days + 3 weeks + 1 year… since we lost our baby. Could actually see it. And its still-attached cord and placenta, too. Took photos no one else will ever see. Stored it for proper burial which, devastatingly, turned out to be the kitchen trash on my final way out the door.

I’m glad to be reminded that they’re not always bad. You see, when I left my asshole husband last year, I had a choice: Try to keep homeschooling, now on top of working outside of the home, full-time, and trying to pay bills and do and be everything else, or put them in school. And while some may have said I was crazy (they were smart enough to not say in within earshot ), I figured there was enough upset going on in my children’s lives and being homeless and then a new place to live in a new town and everything else, that I wanted to keep as much consistent as I could. Since they had never been to school before, I would not throw that burden of adjustment on them as well. We would continue homeschooling. At least until they were used to our new life and ready for that change.

While safety was never a reason for me wanting or deciding to homeschool, it does make me glad every time I hear of a school shooting/stabbing/etc that I don’t even have to think about it. I’m not the least bit phased. I’m not in denial when I think “it won’t happen to me”… it really won’t! And I’m so grateful that I don’t have that burden, even in the back of my mind. As for socialization… maybe I’ll turn my kids over to the system when the system starts showing me that it’s doing an adequate job at teaching those socialization skills! But I digress…

So after being homeless for a couple weeks, we find an apartment in a nearby town. And decide to homeschool. And today, while sick and home from work, I stumble onto a blog on complete accident. I was looking at online calendars, and not even anything to do with kids or teaching or anything! At the bottom of the calendar I decided to try out there is a link to a Twitter account. And from there, the Twitterer’s full information and a link to her blog.

So what is the blog that I find? It’s the blog of a local middle school teacher. And what does she have? A couple useful ditties, but more than anything: slideshows of pictures of the kids in the school!

That’s right. While parents are hard at work trying to police the internet at home, and libraries do so both publicly and in schools, this teacher singlehandedly thwarts all those protections by posting the name of the school, town, her name, and class right with the pictures of the kids for the whole world to see. Without even a protection for members-only to see (which she could easily do if it were of benefit to specific people like the parents)!

Now, you might be able to convince me that she got approval from all of the parents of all the kids that are in her classes, or refrained from posting pics that included kids whose parents did not sign a release form. But there are also pics of kids throughout the whole school at a school dance! (I won’t even ‘go there’ about oversexualizing 11 year old kids! Is that what they mean by “socialization”?)

Clearly, yes I am biased. But I hope that fact does not detract from another completely relevant, and unbiased fact that exists: schools are dangerous to your children in countless ways, most of which you may never even realize, like these unsuspecting parents. I found this information on a complete fluke! Because somehow (I know how) the calendar figured out where I was and used that information to provide me with something that might interest me because it was local. Wow, they had no idea! LOL. But I found it. And who knows who else has as well. So while all of these parents are worried about what they know to be worried about, and trying to keep information about their children off the internet, and teaching their kids how to be safe online, they are being undermined all the while by a teacher who is giving out detailed information about their kids, in places the parents will never know to look, yet still out in the open for all the wrong people, like the sex offenders who are registered here, to find. Maybe that is what they mean by “socialization”?

And my children were close to being two of them (so far). Now THAT is scary. I’ll choose “unsocialized” and uncompromised children, thank you!

That teacher should be fired for being so reckless. She clearly is not capable of making sound decisions.